Monday, October 24, 2011

What is Love?

Got in a discussion recently with someone about love. The person I discussed things with implied that the people in your life shouldn't put up with your "issues" and that there's no such thing as true, unconditional love.

We all have issues, can we agree on that? People are in a constant state of flux. We are a work in progress from the day we're born until the day we die.

But love doesn't expect change. It might strive for it, support it, challenge it, but it doesn't demand it. When you choose to love someone (and I firmly believe love is a choice), you choose to take them as they are with no promises or guarantees of fixing them, healing them, or changing them, in the future.

Love just is.

If you can't let it be, well, that's not unconditional love. And there's no such thing as conditional love.

We all go through periods of doubt, don't we? We wonder if we're good enough. If we're truly loved and understood by those around us. If we're even lovable. If there will come a day when the people we love most will stop putting up with our "issues" or flaws or weaknesses. And what would we do when that time came? Would we be strong enough to handle it or would we curl up and die? It's a frightening thought.

I had one of those moments of doubt recently and asked my husband (who I've known for 10 years), "You know me, right? All of me. You know I have issues?"

He looked at me and said, in his casual, easy-breezy way, "Of course I do. I accommodate them because I love you."

I smiled and all doubt was washed away. Because there is such a thing as true, unconditional love. And I have it.

So...what does love mean to you?

(This is such a hot topic and I have more to say so I'm going to continue it later this week)


  1. All you need is love - John Lennon.
    Just about says it all.
    Good post.

  2. Love is being able to deal with your partner’s roller coaster of issues that sometimes turn into heated debates that can causes steamy silence and hurt feelings, but you know there will be no accompanying violence or abandonment along with the ride, only trust is present. Love allows you to get past the issues and stick together because this is who you chose to love unconditionally. I totally agree with you that love is a choice.

  3. Brilliant ForeverReading! Thank you. I'm gonna continue this topic tomorrow cause there's so much more to say. But yes, I totally agree with you. You love your kids because you chose to have them. Even when they're a pain in the ass. The same is true for your spouse/partner/whatever.

  4. Beautiful! Unconditional love does exist but I don't believe it can exist without God. The Bible says God is Love and the kind of love - Agape is unconditional. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the receipient and everything to do with the giver. I am loved not because of who I am or what I've done. I am loved because of who He is and because of that abundance I can offer others the same love in return.

  5. I don't think anyone can explain love. It is such a complex emotion. There are different ways people love: love for our children, parents, friends, pets, foods, LOL, and for God and our partners. But I do know that love--true love--is real, and when you have it, you would do anything for that person to see them happy.
    Real love isn't easy. It takes a lot of hard work, and patience.
    Also, love is more than just the words: I love you. Heck, I could say I love you to my worst enemy. True love is in our everyday actions.

  6. Love, real love, is most definitely unconditional. It's completely selfless. It gives, it accommodates. It's patient. It requires 100%, nothing less.

    I can love because I'm loved by my Creator, my Savior, my God. I can love you no matter what your faults may be, no matter how others may see you, because I have an example of perfect, unconditional love.

    Love doesn't have conditions. If it did, well, every married couple would be divorced. Or marriages wouldn't exist because we'd go into the relationship with stipulations.

    And who wants that?

  7. I'm having a difficult time trying to answer the question "What is Love?" I've been married 20 years and have two children and it's still hard to pin down. And in the end I guess I see it as sacrifice--you do things you don't want to do either because the person you love asks you to do it or because you know that it's something that will make that person happy. It's putting yourself last in the scheme of things to make someone else's life easier, better, happier. I truly believe actions speak louder than words and love is spoken in the acts of kindness and sacrifice we do every day for the ones we love.

  8. I have unconditional love. I am a damned mess half the time, I shout for no reason, I get edgy over petty stuff. I have major issues and when I have an argument with my husband, after when all is said and done. I ask him all the time. "I"m sorry you have to deal with me sometimes." And he replies with... "I love you, all of it, the good the bad and the ugly. I can't pick and choose the parts that I'm going to love because that is just silly." I think people that say there is no such thing as real love have either not had love before or don't want it. They made a choice and they regret it and therefore try to make others doubt what they have.

  9. I have unconditional love too. Love is hard to explain because everyone perceives it differently and experiences it in different ways. Great post!

  10. You guys are so smart and insightful! Heard a lot of awesome words. Selfless, sacrifice, patience, kindness. I'm gonna bring this topic up again soon and hope you'll all chime in again.