Inspired by the brave woman who wrote this article a few weeks ago (Why Women Hate Me for Being Beautiful), I’ve decided to come out of the closet and speak out about my own suffering. So here it is. Why it’s so hard to be talented.
When I was six years old and first used my talent, my grandmother told me, “you’re so talented.” Ever since then, people have gone out of their way to do things for me. Waiters are always bringing me complimentary water at restaurants. People return things to me I have dropped or say “excuse me” when bumping into me. You might be thinking that’s a wonderful surprise. But it’s not. Not for me. It’s not a surprise, I mean. It’s wonderful, sort of, but the wonder isn’t because of the surprise because it’s not a surprise at all. Let me clear that up. Yes, wonderful. No, surprise.
Anyway, I don’t even bother to ask why they do these enormous favors for a stranger – a woman they don’t know, which is what a stranger is. I already know why. It’s because of my talent.
You may be judging me as you’re reading this, making your own determination about my talent. But I’m not arrogant or superior – I’m just better than you.
Doors have been slammed in my face. Literally. Usually by mothers of small children. They whisper “delusional” behind my back. The mothers, not the children. The children say silly, nonsensical things like “get a life loser” and “I hope you drown in a pool of your own vomit.” Poor kids. They’ll never be as talented as me.
I asked a lady on the bus if I committed some crime that made people hate me. She said “they hate you because you’re a stuck-up bitch.” I smiled and nodded cause she’s just a lady on the bus and doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Then when she turned around, I spit in her coffee.
I don’t work or else I’d have more examples of how hard it is to be talented.
Men never ask me on dates because they think “how can I ever keep up with her talent?” They even go out of their way to ignore me so their wives and girlfriends don’t get jealous.
I was following my best friend around the mall one day and she started giving me dirty looks. Later, I realized her talent had been one of those that got droopy parts and those little creases around the eyes everybody calls laugh lines because they don’t want to come right out and say wrinkles. Before that, she would barely tolerate me, now she was downright rude. Do you see what I mean? Do I have to water down my talent to be like everyone else? Is that what it will take to have friends?
One time I was at a wedding and someone noticed my talent and, in a fit of jealousy, said, “who are you? You weren’t invited to this wedding.” I burst into tears and ran into the bridal suite where some men in blue uniforms came to console me. They were even kind enough to escort me off the property. Another example of strangers treating me better because of my talent.
I’m probably one of the only people who’s looking forward to the decline of my sanity. Then maybe people will stop judging me on my talent and look at who I am instead. Which is, and will always be, better than you.